The Bodice Rippeth – November 2009

Welcome to the special Thanksgiving edition!  This year I am especially thankful for Waxed Chests and Utter Lack of Self-Consciousness.  What about you?

Please keep in mind, this is all in good fun for the laughs.  I am not posting these images to make fun of romance as a genre.  I read romance on a regular basis (which is why I’m in this section at the bookstore to begin with), and there are plenty of excellent writers working in the field.  But some of the cover art and titles just go too far in their attempt to be “sexy”—regardless of what’s in between the covers.  I don’t even have to lampoon them; they mock themselves.  Those books are the ones I’m presenting here for your amusement.  So sit back, relax, and watch The Bodice Rippeth.

Category:  That’s Just Funny

I don’t know what that wolf has to do with anything, but at least it’s not photoshopped as an extension of his crotch this time.

So let me get this straight:  he’s abducting her, ON HORSEBACK, in the middle of a BLIZZARD, with nothing but a FLASHLIGHT to steer by?  Wow.  Colorado really needs to step up its villainy.

There are no words.  It’s just funny.

Because playing hard to get was too challenging?

Apparently Bodyguarding 101 doesn’t discuss the importance of shirts in hiding the fact that you’re packing.  That’s not kid stuff, after all.

Category:  Did You Fail Math?

Seriously. Did you?

Okay, you’re right, that is one cowboy. But if he’s out wrangling steers without a shirt, he’s not exactly lucky. Trust.

Is she schizophrenic or something? Because I’m only seeing one.

Tagline: “It’ll take more than one man to rescue her.”  Really? Cause, again, I’m only seeing one, and I’m just not sure Mike the Tiger back there is going to be much help on a rescue mission.

Category:  Every Little Niche

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This one’s for the cannibals out there.

Okay, how many blind people out there are (1) into bestiality and (2) into it enough to ask their personal reader to narrate this to them?  Alternatively, how many bestiality fetishists also have a hard-on for the visually impaired?

It takes a special person to read Star Trek sexcapades.  Oh, who am I kidding?  If this were really about Star Trek we all know I’d be reading it.

She puts Tabasco on everything.  Everything.

Speaking of crazy Cajuns, they the only ones get turned on by dem hurricanes, y’all.

For those who prefer to read their torture-porn instead of watching Lars von Trier’s  Antichrist again.

Category: Way to give away the ending, title intern

About the one stripper in the city who really is dancing her way through school.

I wonder if he’s telling her to call him Captain Hammer. 

How are they doing it, again?

Like that, too, huh?

Obviously a happy ending–does the saying all’s well that ends well apply between the sheets?

About Elena Nola

Elena Nola reads things, watches things, and edits things. She writes her BSC Review column, Elena's World, to tell you all about it all.