Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett Review

Harry Potter and Hogwarts this ain’t. Nor is it very much at all like J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings. But, if you like reading books about sometimes witty, often kooky wizards and the academic halls where said wizards teach – in this case, the Unseen University – and which also include in their cast of characters trolls, vampires, goblins, and orcs, then you owe it to yourself to check out Terry Pratchett’s latest Discworld book, Unseen Academicals.

In this latest Discworld novel, the 32nd of the series, the author carries on his trademark sense of humor with a plot based on the necessity of the wizards forming a “foot-the-ball” team in order for the university to retain its funding. Over 87% of the money they need to maintain their current operating budget is derived from the most generous will of past Archchancellor Bigger, and the wizards have come to rely upon it – how else can they afford to consume nine meals a day, not to mention a wide assortment of cheeses?

If they didn’t form a team, and tried to make do without the money from Bigger’s bequest, they could still operate the university, but they’d have to cut back to just three types of cheeses. Starting up a team and getting themselves involved in a sport and exercise is unappealing to the rather portly wizards, but it’s preferable to a potential limit on their cheese consumption.

Of course, they face several stumbling blocks along the way to forming their team, which they name the Unseen Academicals (the wizards settle on this name because there is a fear that if they go by the initials of UU, on a jersey the letters might resemble a woman’s breasts). One of the biggest stumbling blocks is that the tyrannical dictator of the land, the Lord Havelock Ventenari, has officially banned football. It’s still played with gusto and lots of violence by the townspeople in their neighborhoods, and an intense rivalry has developed between many of the teams, but the participants risk being arrested, beaten, and jailed by the Watch, Ventenari’s police force.

Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully decides to go and meet with Lord Ventenari about the matter, and finds that he, in fact, actually wants the wizards to form a football team. This immediately makes Ridcully suspicious, wondering why Ventenari is in favor of the idea, and what he might have to gain from it that’s made him so quick to agree to the request. Most of the rest of the novel is taken up with the formation and training of the team and the game they play against wizards from a rival upstart university (who have named their team Ankh-Morpork United) in which Archchancellor Ridcully’s pointy hat is the trophy. It’s to be passed about between their two universities in subsequent years, to the future winning team, much like hockey’s Calder Cup.

Besides the humorus, often Monty Python-like humor (as evidenced from the situations described above) and the author’s clever use of wordplay, I liked his skills at characterization. This, to me, was especially the case with the example of a goblin, Mr. Nutt, who begins the novel seeming like a minor character whose job at the Unseen University is that he makes candles and is a “candle dribbler.” The job of a candle dribbler is to make the candles look as if the candles have been already used before they’re actually used, to make them look as if the wax has been dribbled randomly to the base of the candle. He progresses from this rather humble beginning to becoming one of the main characters of the novel, a person who is largely self-taught from frequent reading forays to the university’s library (the head librarian is a very intelligent orangutan, who later becomes the university’s goalie). Nutt becomes an expert in many languages and subjects through his reading, and eventually comes to Archchancellor Ridcully’s attention and becomes the trainer of their football team.

He also learns that he is not a goblin at all, but is really an orc, one of the last of his kind. Being a fan of Tolkien’s books, and the movies made from them, this, to me, was a nice touch. Nutt agonizes over whether he should run away and return to his homeland when he discovers the truth he’s suspected but has tried not to come to grips with – that is, his being an orc – because he fears that people will hate him, and be afraid he might rip their heads off, or other assorted body parts, and that their hate will cause them to want to kill him. He is extremely strong, and is fully capable of doing just that, and he’s worried that his orc nature might erupt and might result in such a scenario some day.

Mr. Nutt’s immediate boss while he’s a candle dribbler is Trev Likely, whose father, Dave, is famous for having scored four goals in one game. People keep trying to get Trev to join the team at various times in the novel, but he tells them he’s made a promise to his dear old mum not to play, as it was what finally killed his dad. Trev falls in love with a young beautiful and not-too-bright woman who works in the Night Kitchen, Juliet. Her boss is the head of the Night Kitchen, Glenda, about Juliet’s (or Jool’s, or Jewel’s, as she’s sometimes known as) age.

I’m mentioning these characters, who all might in some other sort of book be minor ones, because they all become very important ones in Unseen Academicals. I really liked a theme that runs through the book about people being trapped in the social and economic class they were born into, by society in general, but also by one’s own family, friends, and peers, and largely by one’s own self. They’re afraid that if they strive for something better – a better job, more money, a better life - then some invisible hammer will knock them back down for having tried to live above their stations.

The author has an eloquent metaphor for this, comparing the way that many people in society’s lower classes behave to crabs in a bucket. Glenda and Juliet hear about this comparison from Verity Pushpram (an actual minor character, but important in that she first brings up this metaphor), who runs a fish stall at the night market. When she pulls one out of a bucket to give to Glenda, who wants to buy it to later cook, others try to pull it back down. That’s why, she says, that they can be kept in a bucket without a lid: “Any that tries to get out gets pulled back.”

Glenda is struck by this image and Verity’s words. As they hurry back towards the Night Kitchen, Glenda develops the idea in her head more fully, and also compares it to the “Shove,” which is a term the author uses to describe the mob behavior of spectators at a football game:

Practically everything my mum ever told me, that’s crab bucket. Practically everything I’ve ever told Juliet, that’s crab bucket, too. Maybe it’s just another word for the Shove. It’s so nice and warm on the inside that you forget that there’s an outside. The worst of it is, the crab that mostly keeps you down is you…The realization had her mind on fire.

Glenda realizes that she’s been acting like one of the crabs for her entire life. She’s been telling Juliet, who got a modeling gig showing off troll-designed micromail garments, that life working at the Night Kitchen has more security to it, because everybody likes pies. She really is very fond of Juliet, and only wants what’s best for her, but comes to the realization that what is perhaps the safest choice to make in one’s life isn’t always the best one. After her realization, she tells Juliet to forget what she’s told her before, and that Juliet should continue modeling for the trolls. She even changes her mind about her ealier opinion of Trev’s unsuitability as a boyfriend for Juliet.

What I would say makes Unseen Academicals really worthwhile to read is the humor that runs through it.  Along the way you get some really great subplots, like the budding romance between Trev and Juliet, and the beginnings of Juliet’s career as a model. There, some of the humor is because Juliet is asked to wear a false beard when she models, because both troll males and females have beards. Despite her facial hair, she makes the first page of the newspaper, and all of the paparazzi want to know everything they can find out about this great new media darling.

The entire Discworld series is outstanding, in my opinion, and you can read any of them and really like them without having had to read the previous ones. I admit I have only read two other novels in the series previous to Unseen Academicals, but I’d like to read more of them, because Terry Pratchett is a funny and skillful writer. If you like fantasy novels that have lots of humor, action, and great subplots, and are a fan of novels that are somewhat similar in whimsy to books like Robert Asprin’s Myth Adventures and Peter David’s Apropos of Nothing series, then you should also find yourself loving the Discworld books and Unseen Academicals.

About Professor Crazy

Professor Crazy here! I have obtained degrees from numerous colleges & universities both Major and Minor, with an emphasis on all of the Various & Sundry schools of Thought & Discipline. I majored in Rhetoric at the University of Illinois, obtained a Master's degree in English at Arizona State University In Tempe, AZ., and another Master's in Secondary Education at UALR, in Little Rock, AR. Then, there are the years I spent with the Swedish Bikini Team, touring throughout Europe...fond memories, those...especially that time in Amsterdam....